And then he did this and then he said that and then he did that & this and then he...
Oh, I don't think I could get him to have boundaries...
That's because there's too much in it. If you learn one more thing, it'll explode.
We are gonna have such great make-up sex...
Who are they to tell me whether I can star in their show?!
I don't want to take care of myself, so I expect you to do it.
But then I forget them. It's like spiritual amnesia. I wish I could hold on to them!
But between black and white are all these shades of gray!
This may not be funny, but it is true. Why does everyone push “gray” as the alternative to black-and-white thinking, when the whole color spectrum is in there?
I've given up my black-and-white thinking.
The shades between black & white aren't gray...
What Kind of Loving God Would Allow This To Happen?
What kind of loving god would allow this to happen?!
Five minutes?! We haven't discussed my feelings in two weeks!
I'm not even gonna tell you what my therapist says about you!
Art is like poop: it comes on its own schedule.
Forcing it will just give you hemorrhoids
Worrying whether other people like it is beside the point!
Is it Truthful Helpful Important Necessary, & Kind?
No, I'm gonna wait for someone else to execute it, and sue them!
I'm more likely to take your advice if you don't give it.
With enough self-control I can avoid stray lines, asymmetry, and other embarassing mistakes.
What's our relationship missing, Eunice?
The wise man changes himself to fit the world. The fool changes the world to fit himself.
Attention is scarce. Information is not. Do the math.
Charge for the information and get the attention for free?
You can't spell "T-E-A-M" with the letter "I".
Nor with the letters "U", "Y-O-U", or "U-S".
I just "let go and let God" and suddenly I'm up on this pink cloud!
One lousy penny? What kind of incentive is that?!
I don't think without proper compensation!
Eunice, you're religious. Why don't you believe God sent that lighning bolt?
Don't you think God loves a good punchline?
That's the weirdest habit I've ever seen.
God, I offer you my defects and shortcomings. Please remove them.
I don't "give" ideas. I sell them. Pay up!
Only if you promise to never think it again!
You want to legislate morality! You want to stifle my rights! You're a communist!
But if I make you look stupid, I can feel better about myself!
I just feel really guilty and ashamed when I do.
And to glorify Him I shall carry out His divine purpose:
If I had a nickel for every time someone said that...
It's important to accept people just the way they are.
Dear God: please fix all my problems right now.
I can't stop my compulsive ear chewing, so I asked God to help!
Irrational problems demand irrational solutions!
My appearance is none of their business.
What they think of your appearance is none of your business.
Freed from the tyranny of appearance, I can truly be myself inside.
Who the hell else is wearing a burqa around here?
Don't tell God how big your problem is...
He lovingly crafts each one and sends them down to earth for us to screw up our lives committing.
You, however, make a convenient scapegoat!
Painful memories from the distant past...
...erupt in my consciousness like open wounds.
Memorrhoids... On the anus of my mind...
But if the problems get solved, I'm out of a job!
This leg is my emotional and spiritual development.
My friend Barry Solow made this awful pun.
I'm treating my memorrhoids with psychoanalysis...
But it's even more painful and irritating!
If I just worry hard enough, it'll fix my problems!
It's going to take more than a punch in the face to convince me!
Eunice is a compulsive ear-chewer. Mimi is an alcoholic. They have so much in common.
It's fun at first but then you pick up terrible diseases, get bored, and develop anxiety around it.
I've come to worry you constantly about your mortality.
The exercise keeps you young and supple!
I know what you're thinking: terrible things about me!
You're living one of those days at a time!